halcyonthunder

So, my parents finally did it. They kicked me out.

I asked for my tax return so I could file for Government Funding for school, but I didn’t want to tell them why I needed my tax return so they wouldn’t get super pissed with me. Well, they threatened to kick me out because I refused to tell them.

So, to save myself from being out on the street without the gov’t money, I told them why. Their response? “Well, if you want to be out of this house, then you’re gone now.”

They kicked me out because I asked for my tax return. Mind you, they refused to give it to me even then, which is actually illegal because it is MY tax information, not theirs.

Thank goodness I have an amazing boyfriend I can live with. It just pisses me off so much that they kicked me out based on the most ridiculous reason.

I’m a lot happier now that I’m away from that poisonous environment but I’m still rattled that this all happened.

My friend Vicki, I feel like, is perhaps one of the only people on this planet that understand what I’m going through in my life right now. We both have issues with depression, and it’s so relieving knowing that I have someone who feels how I feel and can listen to me talk without judgment.

We lost touch for a while and she did her own thing while I did mine. And finally we reconnected. It feels really good to have a friend here again that I can trust and who respects me.

I love this girl, she’s super rad. ❤

GO VICKI!

So perhaps I wasn’t making the wisest decision when I punched my bookshelf five times and managed to swell my knuckle up to twice its normal size, bruised and all.

I got in a very big argument with my brother. He was calling me a lot of very rude and derogatory names, pretending to be the adult of the house (as my parents are both away on vacations) and making all these rules. For the record, I am 21 and he is 25. I am an adult as he is, yet he is making it so I am not allowed to leave the house and if I disobey him, he’ll kick me out on the curb with no jacket or anything. Mind you, it is very cold outside, and snowing like crazy.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I am an adult, right? Like, pretty sure 18 is legally adult age and I’m, what, three years superior to that? So, correct me again if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure I have human rights and I am to be treated as an adult and human being. Right? Yes, right.

So I should be allowed to do as I please, not treated like I am a 12-year-old child who has a curfew by someone who is only four years older than me. FOUR. Not forty-four. Just four.

I feel like a prisoner in my own house. And no, I refuse to use the term home because this place is anything but.

So, my knuckle is still throbbing and I’m still on the verge of tears, but whatever. I’ll go to sleep, get up tomorrow, and do it all over again. And everyone says “just smile.”

HAH.

No.

I love my family, I really do, but I’ve never claimed to like them. With that said, I often make decisions based on whether or not I like them. Of course, big decisions are based on my love for them, but smaller ones? Uh-uh.

Take this evening, for example. I have a math test tomorrow, and math is not my strong suit, I am willing to admit. My brother and father offered to help me out with studying, and even though I appreciate their concern, I declined.

And for a good reason, too! Of course, whenever they help me, they manage to be more criticizing instead of supportive. For example, when I don’t know how to do a question, instead of saying something like, “it’s no worries, let me go over it so you understand,” they’ll throw something at me like, “oh, you don’t understand this? When then clearly you haven’t been studying. Do you ever do any work?”

So I graciously declined their offer, as I can’t stand they way they think they’re helping. They’re really just making me feel stupid.

Then they get mad at me because I didn’t get any help for this math test, which is actually very untrue. I tried to get help from my old friend from high school, but I wasn’t allowed to go to his house to study, it had to be at mine, where my dad could watch me and make sure I was staying on track. Well, my friend wasn’t able to come to my house because he had an assignment of his own he was working on at his place on his desktop.

They claim I didn’t try to get help. I definitely did, they just wouldn’t let me leave the damn house.

I’m so done with this place, honestly. I can’t wait till I can get the heck out again.

Well then, my first blog. Unless tumblr counts which I’m pretty sure it totally doesn’t.

Anyway, I’m 21 and living in Canada. I hate winter as I weigh around 95 lbs, so winter automatically means I’m always cold and always miserable. But I’ll survive. Tea is a wonderful creation for times like these.

I have a lot of issues with my life at home but hey, who doesn’t? (The answer is: not that many.) And I mean real issues, not “MOM, my brother just knocked over my eyeliner and it went everywhere!”

But I’m in my first year of college and trying to get through it without losing my mind.

I have an amazing boyfriend who has been extremely supportive over the past two years we’ve been together, though, and he continues to be the light of my world.

Also, I say little me because I’m only five feet and two inches. I know that’s not the smallest, but oh if I had a dollar for every time someone has used me as an arm’s rest… yeah, I’d be filthy rich.

Well, not sure what else to say as of now but hey, may as well start somewhere.